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Wednesday, July 30, 2014

work in progress...


I still haven't finished this one.. I think it needs some watercolor... but still I had the need to share the message.
It's weird what I feel about my artwork.
For some reason I feel as if I must share it, I have the need of publishing it into the world... it's like if the art piece wasn't complete until I share it.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

writer's block: fear

I just woke up from a nap...which I usually never ever indulge myself in, but then again, it is my day off and a  lot went on last night, a lot that kept me up all night, got me super scared, anxious and stressed; I'm even considering the idea of leaving Playa del Carmen (my town) at this very moment, just like that.

But first let me tell you about my dream...
I had some sort of an exorcism...it sounds scary, but the fact is I woke up relieved, so relieved.
I really feel I got rid of that bad seed inside me.
I don't quite remember how it all started, but at a point.. I was at home, well, at my parent's home back in my hometown; but my room was in the last floor in some sort of a tower of the house (Rapunzel delirium?). Suddenly a women knocked the door, an old lady, kind of a witch one actually... My mom answered the door, and saw her looking up...she was staring at the top of the house, above the tower... then she told my mother, "you know you've got a ghost living there, right?"... my mom looked at her confused, then she spoke again, "yes, there is a ghost living above the house, it has been there for long and it is evil; do you want me to get rid of it?".

My mom has never been a fan of ghosts or any sort of witchcraft nor santeria, she's the most catholic woman I know, like suuuuuper devoted.... anyway, somehow she got scared and let her in to do her thing. The woman came up to my room, saw me lying on the bed and asked me the same question, "do you want me to get rid of that ghost?..... it's living inside you"... and then she started babbling some words, touching my forehead as she closed her eyes and kept her mantra going on... and then I started feeling a part of me trying to rip off... like something that had it's claws inside me started to come off... but didn't wanted to...and then, it let go. I felt a humongous load being released from me... I felt something bad coming out of me, like if everything that was evil about me started to let go and then it did. She took the ghost thing with claws out, I saw it, it was screaming, it was trying to grab me again... and the woman said, "quick, open the window, we've got to let this thing out or it may come back inside you"...so I immediately went to the window and threw it out...it dissolved in the sky and finally faded away.

And then I woke up... remembering that dream...my sisters came into my room and I started telling them all about it and how relieved I felt even if it was only a dream... and other things happened later on...I took a shower bla bla, nothing important...and then later...I REALLY woke up. I was dreaming about that last part too.

At first I was freaked out...but then again, relieved. I really feel I got rid of some sort of evil inside me... it's weird... I didn't know I had it in me... it's like it's still me but I feel... more calm and secure and joyful... I cannot explain it... but it made me feel better.

Last night, a guy that works at the corner of my building got arrested because of me. He has been stalking me for 2 months; he's scary, he is always drunk or high... he's super built with big muscles and he looks fucking evil in deed. He's followed me into the little market I go to in front of my building, he visits me at work, I've told the police but they don't do shit... until yesterday, I got off work at 11 pm and he was waiting for me outside, he followed me a block then disappeared.... I went home and then left again to the 24-hour open supermarket to buy something to eat.. and then he went in again, started telling me things, there was no one at the shop nor outside and I didn't wanted to leave that store alone, what if he followed me home?... I called 2 times the Mexican version of 911..no one answered!!!!  I started to panic, I told the cashier there to call the cops and she said she didn't have a phone, that idiot!.... I called a friend of mine who has been kind of verbally attacked by this guy (at work) too and she came in to pick me up, called the cops and they took him away... but only to detain him for 36 hours. Soon he'll be out again.
I'm scared.
I'm freaking scared to leave my apartment, to go to work, to the market...I don't feel safe anymore. This is a small town... and he knows where I work.. he can find me easily again.
I'm scared I pissed him off and things might get worse.
...but then again... he might stop bugging me... he's been like that for 2 months and never laid a hand on me... he just babbles words of "twisted love" but nothing more... perhaps he is just a bully... perhaps he just teases and gets pleasure by scaring women... oh God I wish this doesn't go further. I don't want to leave this place.

Has anyone been haunted like this?
I don't know if my nap dream was a reflection of last night's event. Maybe the guy was this "bad seed, bad ghost" and I finally got rid of him. Oh I wish I'm right.

Why the fuck are men stronger than women??!
I'm pretty sure that if women were physically stronger than men...the world would be a better and safer place.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

instagram


follow me on instagram @ivettesirena...
if you want...
:)

Saturday, July 26, 2014

drawing room: sunflowers


"my eyes must be sunflowers,
because you are the sun
and I can't stop looking at you"

Friday, July 25, 2014

I shaved my legs for you...


I spent last Monday at the beach,
alone...
It was a good day.

Follow me on instagram @ivettesirena



Thursday, July 24, 2014

grace

"I received the grace of shadows. The grace of remaining in the dark."
-Anna Kamienska, A Nest of Quiet: A Notebook 

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

you make me vomit...butterflies


....this is how it all starts...
and then one day you find yourself throwing up butterflies all night...

Monday, July 21, 2014

drawing room: who are you looking at?

People often tell me...
"you're so lucky to live in such paradise", (Riviera Maya really is a paradise);
"you're so brave for leaving everything behind in your hometown, so suddenly, you're so brave for taking off to find a new world",
"you have balls",
"you are strong",
"you seem so happy and centered and focused",
"you shine",
"you are so creative and artistic",
"you are beautiful",
"you are one of the few people in the world that actually DOES what they like, instead of settling for a random office job"....

I don't see what they see...
I wonder who they are all taking about,
I wonder who they are looking at,
I wonder who am I looking at....

I don't think we are talking about the same girl.
I don't think we are talking about the same girl at all.


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